Maybe this will help explain....
I'm trying to figure out my new website so I'm going to create another blog and hope that this sticks.
Many days since my great loss, I often wonder if people actually "get" what mean when I talk about my new life.
I know that widows get it but do the people who've not lost a significant part of themselves, also get it?
Today, I discovered a way to try and verbalize a small analogy to this difficult emotion.
My church is doing a 4 week segment called "Back to the Movies" and each week, they show significant parts of one particular movie each week. The idea behind it is to discuss the parables of Jesus through our modern day parables: Movies. Today the featured file was "We Bought a Zoo". I've never seen the movie before today and in the clip that we saw, Matt Damon's character, Benjamin Mee is apparently a widower with a young daughter and a teenage son. It's been 6 months since his wife died and he's just trying to get through the days and buy a home for his family that fits his new life. The title gives away a big spoiler alert, so if you just read the movie title-sorry.
He finds the perfect home for his son and daughter, except it's attached to a zoo. Right away, he knows that this is a big, huge, gigantic decision to make. What average person know anything about running a zoo? While he's thinking about this possible, future situation that buying the perfect house brings (but is part of a zoo), his daughters runs off exploring the grounds and comes across a flock of (what appears to be) cranes and she starts giving them names as she talks with them. Benjamin Mee finds his daughter with them and can immediately see that this is the place she wants to live, and he gives in.
At that in the movie, I could completely relate to his situation.
No longer is the question whether or not he shouldn't purchase this huge property with thousand of complications. Pushed to the forefront of his mind is whether he should give his daughter what ever her heart desires because she has also lost a huge part of her world when her mommy died and it forever changed her life, as it did him. He didn't have to think twice about his answer. The answer was yes. Whatever he could do to make anything better for his little girl is what he was going to do and he'd figure out the complications later.
That's where I am right now.
Right now, my goal is to "try" and make life a little easier by doing whatever I can for my boys.
If my middle kid wants 3 Halloween bags of Kitkats (Breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and if my youngest kid wants to spend $100 on some computer based game, and if my oldest wants .....well, normally doesn't want anything but if he did, would I get it for them all?
Yes.
Does it make sense to be semi destructive in doing so?
No.
Afterall, too much candy consumed in 2 days isn't healthy and giving a large brain cell killing game to a teenager, isn't smart, but to my way of thinking, I can figure out the complications later because it helps to bring them some level of joy right this moment.
